How Can I Save My Troubled Marriage?
If you are reading this article, you have come to the right place. Maintaining relationships is a challenge, building a strong marriage is a life achievement. Marriage is a commitment between a husband and wife to dedicate themselves to their spouse from the marriage ceremony to the funeral. Getting married to your spouse is not just an event, it is a lifetime commitment. But unlike that best friend in school, marriage is a fusion of two people spiritually and physically. The Bible says the two ‘become one flesh’ in Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8. That means that sexual connection.
Why Do Couples Have Trouble?
There are many reasons for a marriage relationship to hit the rocks. First and foremost, remember women are mostly emotion-driven (more on that here) and men are more driven by what they see. That’s why it’s a good idea for a lady to keep her breasts covered and not wear revealing clothing. Generally, if a woman is willing to show it, she’s willing to share it. Guys have monthly cycles of sexual desire just as women have monthly menstrual cycles.
If a wife gets upset with her husband about something he did, sometimes she will withhold sex from her spouse as a way of punishing them or getting back at them. Then the husband gets sexually frustrated with his wife instead of fulfilled by his wife. Couples usually have trouble due to communication issues. Someone bought something expensive without consulting the other, unconditional love which puts your spouse above yourself is missing or weak, and many other things cause trouble between a couple. It usually comes down to poor communication or not being considerate.
The best fix? Kiss and make up! Don’t hold anything against your husband or wife. As Christians, we are told that we must forgive others in order for us to be forgiven. (More on forgiveness here).
A Cheating Spouse
If your boyfriend or girlfriend has sexual relations with another person, you may be upset. But remember if you’re having sex and not married, you are in sin. You are fornicating and on troubled ground with God. However, when your spouse has sex with another person who is married or single, they are in infidelity. Sadly, this gives you biblical grounds for divorce (see what Jesus says in Matthew 9:3-12 and three reasons for divorce here). Even the secular justice systems of most nations recognizes cheating on your spouse in their court systems as wrong and punishable. (and they don’t even know God!).
God hates divorce according to the Bible in Malachi 2:16. However, just because you have precedent to divorce does not mean you should. For a committed Christian couple, the most important thing is that the offender repents (1 John 1:9) to both the spouse and the Father God in Jesus’ Name and turns from that sin. Secondly, they have to beg forgiveness of the spouse. Again,
- Offender must repent and turn away from the sin
- Offender must ask forgiveness of both the spouse and God
Saving Your Troubled Marriage
In order to have a long successful marriage, both of you are going to have to be forgiving and forgetting of the past. Once your spouse has told you they’re sorry, you need to release them from that past. If they’re not doing the same thing, that means they have turned from that so quit bringing it up every time you get upset. It doesn’t help.
Find counseling from pastoral staff at a strong faith-based church. Remember, you’re not the first couple in the world to have marriage trouble. As God hates divorce, you are responsible for making your relationship a success. Don’t tell your spouse, “you should go to counseling, I don’t need it”. You both got in to trouble, you both need to get out of it.
Finally, the most important foundation of any marriage is the individual and their relationship with God. If both husband and wife have personal relationships with Jesus, chances of success are much higher. You both need to press in to God, get to a strong Holy Spirit filled church every week, read God’s Word (the Bible) every day, and spend time in prayer with God. The stronger your relationships with God are, the stronger your love for each other will be. Don’t give up hope, you can make it into an even deeper love with God.
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